The compassionate leader

Bad things happen. An employee might have lost a loved one, be having an important health problem, going through a divorce, experiencing bullying at work, or struggling to balance their professional and personal lives and experiencing a lot of stress. How would you respond when employees share their pain or suffering with you?   

Most leaders avoid showing compassion (or more compassion) at work either because they believe that the workplace should be free of emotions and pain should not be brought to work, or they don’t know what’s acceptable to express in a work setting. For example, you might believe that in your role, showing emotion or caring would look unprofessional or illegitimate. But we can be both professional and caring at the same time if we learn the art of it. It might not be professional for employees to bring every single personal problem to work (and to their managers), but they should be able to express their distress from time to time and seek out compassion from others at work, especially if their pain is affecting their work. So should you, because allowing ourselves to feel and express our pain means giving ourselves the right to be human.    

Compassion is an emotional response that arises from seeing another’s distress or pain as well as an authentic desire to help them. It involves being aware of or noticing what the other person is going through, experiencing an emphatic concern and wanting to act to alleviate the other person’s pain. When I use the term pain, I mean emotional states such as distress, concerns about the future, or feelings of exhaustion or hopelessness. Since it’s quite a personal experience, the same event might trigger different emotional states in different people.

Compassionate acts can take many forms. For instance, when someone is going through a hard time, listening non-judgmentally, being present, helpful, and kind towards them, being flexible or patient, giving your time, being more forgiving, and offering support of some kind are all considered compassionate acts.

Compassion is beneficial

Compassion at work brings numerous benefits to both the giver and the receiver as well as the organisation. Employees who experience compassion at work view themselves, their colleagues, and the organisation in general more positively. Compassion heals; we are soothed by the presence and support of others. People who receive compassion can more effectively cope with challenges and bounce back from adversity more easily. Compassion can serve as an antidote to stressors in both our work and personal lives. It increases resilience, reduces anxiety and burnout, and sparks inspiration and gratitude. Those who act compassionately get a lot out of their compassion, too. Acting compassionately gives us joy and happiness, contributes to a sense of purpose, and facilitates self-worth. Compassion also breeds trust, respect, support and open communication between the giver and receive 

Compassion is NOT…  

The absence of compassion in response to someone’s pain in the workplace can increase distress and negative perceptions, while compassionate acts make workers feel worthy and increase satisfaction. Employees who experience compassion at work perceive the workplace and their co-workers more positively, are more satisfied with their jobs, and feel more committed to the organisation, which in turn benefits the organisation in a variety of ways.

However, there is a lot of misunderstanding when we talk about compassion. Let’s look at the facts.

Compassion is not necessarily giving people what they want. It’s not sacrificing ourselves either. And it’s definitely not liking everyone. Being compassionate doesn’t mean you don’t give negative feedback to your employees; or that you don’t let an employee go when you are not able to work with them anymore. What it actually means is that you always have a choice about how to treat them: with a kind and caring demeanor or with an aggressive attitude.

When being compassionate as a leader, you also need to make sure you balance the interests of others, your interests as a leader, and the interests of your business. In fact, being prosocial specifically addresses your ability to find such a balance.

What can you do to create a more compassionate workplace?

Although you might find your own way of creating a compassionate culture in your organisation and/or within your team, I have listed some recommendations below you might find helpful.

Pause for a while. Within the multitude of daily tasks and responsibilities, taking the time to slow down and mindfully observe your environment to see how the team is doing and whether there is any distress is a great way to become a more compassionate person. Only by taking a breath and pausing for a moment you can notice people who might need support. You can then initiate conversations to deep dive into the challenges that employees are facing and the support resources they need. This will help you become more observant and attentive.

Demonstrate compassion. When we watch someone acting compassionately, we are more likely to act with compassion ourselves. Research by Jonathan Haidt shows that when leaders acted fairly and demonstrated self-sacrificing behaviours, employees tended to experience elevation – a heightened state of wellbeing. As a result, they were more likely to act in helpful and compassionate ways. You can inspire others by setting the right example.

Practice vulnerability. A great way of creating a compassionate culture is to be open about yourself at times and engage in personal sharing. Vulnerability is not weakness; in fact, it facilitates courage, trust, honesty, and closeness. If you practice vulnerability, others will feel safe and comfortable engaging in similar conversations with you. However, it is also important to be mindful of individual differences and respect people’s boundaries in terms of what they want to disclose. Likewise, it’s important that you figure out the type and amount of information and emotions you feel comfortable sharing with others.

Invest in social capital. We feel better and do better when our psychological needs are satisfied. One of our most basic psychological needs is relatedness – the universal desire to be connected to and to create close bonds with others. Research has consistently showed that people whose relatedness need is satisfied at the workplace report better emotional and physical wellbeing, higher job satisfaction, and increased productivity. That’s why cultivating interpersonal relationships in the workplace is very important. The more people feel that they receive social support from their co-workers and/or managers, the more positive emotions they feel at work and about work. Similarly, the more opportunities there are for employees to interact with each other at certain points during their work, the happier they are. Good social connections, in turn, increase compassion among employees and managers, which in turn results in more compassionate responses.

Create shared values. When employees perceive that their groups (e.g., organisation or teams) are engaged in something they care about, such as a shared purpose, when they believe in the groups’ goals, and when they feel a sense of belonging to the group, they tend to consider others’ interests more and behave more prosocially (e.g., help others). Trust, cohesion and purpose can bring people emotionally closer, which in turn has the potential to facilitate compassionate acts.

Recognise and appreciate helping behaviours. Where employees are routinely recognised and appreciated for helping one another, they are more likely to demonstrate such acts in the future. They also perceive others’ and their own problems and pain as legitimate and real. Even a simple but genuine thank you, having a quick chat about the helping behaviours and how helping makes them feel can be impactful.  

Improve your psychological flexibility. Psychological flexibility refers to an open and curious attitude regarding the present moment, showing acceptance of the situation and people, and acting in line with your values. These skills are significant for our wellbeing, performance, and also capacity for compassion. When we act non-judgmentally, we are more likely to notice the pain and suffering around us. With increased psychological flexibility, we are less likely to seek to control the situation, which decreases our own distress, and as a result we demonstrate more emphatic concern. In a way, we step back from our own emotions and are better able to self-regulate.

But remember…

Being compassionate or helping someone should not come at the cost of your own wellbeing or put others or your organisation in jeopardy. The best way to achieve this is to set boundaries. It’s possible to show empathy and help others while holding firm to your boundaries. And you don’t even have to be an expert in psychology or have great emotional intelligence skills. All you need is an understanding of why compassion can be important, how, where and when you can demonstrate it, and how to find a balance in order to not feel overwhelmed by others’ suffering and maintain your professional boundaries.

Life can be really tough and there will always be pain around us; but we can make it more bearable by showing compassion to others and ourselves and cultivating a compassionate workplace. Even small acts of compassion can have a lasting effect on workplace feelings and people’s behaviours.

Compassion is contagious. As the psychologist Sigal Barsade said, we are “walking mood inductors”, affecting one another’s emotional states.

References

Deci, E. L., Olafsen, A. H., & Ryan, R. M. (2017). Self-Determination Theory in Work Organizations: The State of a Science. Annual Review of Organizational Psychology and Organizational Behavior. doi:10.1146/annurev-orgpsych-032516-113108 

Gomez-Baya, D., & Lucia-Casademunt, A. M. (2018). A self-determination theory approach to health and well-being in the workplace: Results from the sixth European working conditions survey in Spain. Journal of Applied Social Psychology, doi:10.1111/jasp.12511

Vianello, M., Galliani, E.M., & Haidt, J. (2010) Elevation at work: The effects of leaders’ moral excellence, The Journal of Positive Psychology: DOI: 10.1080/17439760.2010.516764