How to build and maintain habits

Article

4 Jul

Creating healthy and desired habits can lead one to live a better life. However, forming and maintaining such habits can be quite challenging. Many people wonder why this is the case and what they can do about it.

Based on extensive research evidence and my professional and personal experiences, I have pulled together some important points to consider while building habits. It is, however, important to bear in mind that although there are evidence-based practices that can help people work on their habits, there is no single right way to do things. We are all different; our lifestyles, our personalities, and the contexts we live in differ. Besides, the nature of habits that we want to build also differ. It is, therefore, better to experiment with the practices and find the techniques and strategies that serve you the best. For instance, the best time to do things or the best way to do things might look different for different people. In other words, the tips around creating habits are not dogmatic; there is evidence that they work, but you can modify them in line with your needs and situational demands.

Habits are behaviours that we perform automatically on a regular basis such as brushing our teeth, having a coffee or tea in the morning, or exercising. Simply repeating a behaviour in the same context in a consistent manner leads to the behaviour being activated when it is exposed to the same cue. Our habits make up a big proportion of our daily lives. Research shows that over 40% of what we do is determined by habits. This is quite helpful in the sense that we can act with minimal cognitive effort and we don’t need to stop and think about many of our actions. However, there is a downside to it as well. Although habits make our lives better, they’re difficult to change because our brains are hardwired to repeat certain behaviours that have worked well in the past under certain conditions. The question is, how can we stop the behaviours we no longer want, and instead develop new – desired -ones?

As difficult as it may seem, habits can be built or changed. Learning the mechanisms through which habits can be formed and noticing some of the barriers to habits and the ways we can address them can be quite helpful for making progress in creating and maintaining healthy habits. Let’s dive into some of these.

Increasing Your Awareness

One of the challenges in changing habits is maintaining an awareness of what we’re actually doing. In order to create that awareness and to understand yourself better, working on a list of your daily habits (e.g., waking up, checking the phone, drinking coffee, having a walk, watching Netflix etc.) might be very useful. This list should include almost all the habits you have on a daily basis.

As a next step, you might want to rate your habits by answering the following questions:

Does this behaviour help me become the type of person I wish to be?
Is this habit aligned with my values?

However, judgment and blaming are not very helpful at this stage. Instead, approach with an open mind. If you eat an unhealthy breakfast, for example, just notice it and observe your thoughts around your habit. See if you want to keep that habit or not. Make a note of the habits that you want to keep and those you want to remove or replace.

Setting an Intention and Making a Commitment

When we set a commitment in order to implement something, we are more likely to take action. It doesn’t have to be anything fancy though; just saying or writing the exact thing you will do, when and where you will do it is a good start. For example, “I will have a walk at 8 pm in the park.”, or “I will journal at least one page every day before breakfast” can set your intention clearly and give you a direction. In addition, mental contrasting, i-e., imagining that we attained a desired future (e.g., exercising 3 times a day for at least half an hour) and then noticing the things that might stand in the way of attaining that future can also be quite effective.

Intentions and commitment give us some sort of a pathway, but they are not sufficient. Unless we start and consistently practice, it’s not possible to create a habit. Similarly, knowing something is good is not necessarily a predictor of doing good. For instance, there is evidence that although many people know that exercise is good for their health, only half of those individuals put their belief into action.

Personally Chosen Values and Goals

Nothing in life makes us more committed and motivated to do something than values, whether you notice it or not. When our actions have a ‘why’ behind them, that is, when they are tied to personally chosen values, we not only know where we’re going, but we also find our ways back easily when we’re off track. If, however, there is no value attached, it’s difficult to find a reason to pursue that behaviour.

Values show us what matters to us and act as our guides. For example, helping others, being a good parent, or finding meaning at what we do are all examples of values. In her book Emotional Agility, psychologist Susan David defines values as “qualities of purposeful action” and add that they “serve as a kind of psychological keel to keep us steady”. Goals, on the other hand, are the things we want to ‘achieve’. For example, getting a doctorate degree is a goal. The value behind that goal might be the love of learning or wisdom. A goal is a sign that shows us whether we’re on the right path or not. When we achieve the goals, they become part of the past, but values are always present. Living in accordance with our values and choosing goals that reflect those values is very rewarding.

When forming habits, both the values and the goals attached to our values should be personally chosen so that we enjoy them. If you copy someone else’s, then you increase the chances of resisting and even giving up. Some studies have found that when our habits are aligned with our values, we are more likely to be persistent to pursue a particular behaviour. For each habit that you are willing to develop, see if you can find the values behind them. Ask yourself, why you wish to do that and what matters to you about that goal/habit. For instance, if your goal is to journal on a daily basis, the value might be the importance of staying present and in contact with your experiences. If the habit you want to eliminate is smoking, that is the goal and the value attached to it might be becoming a better parent and a role model for your kids. Or take losing weight as a goal; the value attached to that goal might be staying healthy and being productive and effective in different aspects of your life. This is an intrinsic motivation and is rewarding in itself. However, if you want to lose weight just because of peer pressure and to get approval, it might also work but you would be less likely to sustain relevant habits and also to enjoy what you’re doing.

Starting Small and Easy and Being Consistent

One of the biggest mistakes we do when it comes to habits is attempting to start very big. However, big resolutions usually do not serve most people, because they are “big”! Instead, focusing on micro-changes might be more realistic and helpful. Contrary to general belief, small changes are very powerful in changing our habits. After all, expecting that your life will be transformed in a few days or even months is not very realistic. Besides, unrealistic goals will make us resist and give up easily. For example, if you haven’t exercised in five years, a goal such as exercising 5 times a week for 90 minutes might not be realistic.

When you start building a habit, make your actions as easy as possible so that they are not intimidating. Start by doing something for a few minutes and do it many times per week. After a while, you can increase the amount of time, but the idea is to first get used to it and make it automatic. Once you’ve started doing the right thing, it’s much easier to continue doing it. Stay below the point where it feels like work and make each step feel almost effortless. You can always advance to an intermediate step and repeat the process.

To form a habit, you need to practice your daily actions consistently. One of the reasons why starting small and easy is important is to provide this consistency. It’s easier to build the habit if we focus on consistency rather than the quantity. That means, doing something every day is more important than how long or how intensely we do it. Of course, in order to progress in certain habits, you have to increase the quantity in time, but to make it a habit, consistently doing it is more important. You can introduce quantity gradually after you have mastered the art of showing up. For example, in order to cope with my chronic pain and become physically more flexible, I started doing yoga. In the first few weeks, I practiced only 10 minutes twice a day. Then, I moved to 20 minutes twice a day for about another 2 weeks. After a while, I found myself doing yoga every morning I woke up and a few hours before going to sleep at night. It became a habit. But I wanted to advance a little bit more, so I started doing it for a longer period: 30-40 minutes, again twice a day. I now sometimes do it for even 50 minutes, sometimes less. But I do it every day. How much you do it, or for how long depends on what you want to get out of it.

Try to do one habit at a time. Otherwise, it might become very overwhelming and you will set yourself up for failure. One change at a time.

Managing Your Environment

One key feature of habit formation is cues. Habits are triggered automatically in response to contextual cues. Putting your seat belt is a habit that is cued by a contextual cue - getting into the car. The habit of brushing your teeth might be cued or triggered by time – morning, or a context such as going to the bathroom. If you have the habit of going for a daily walk after dinner, the behaviour might be triggered by another action (cue) - doing the dishes after dinner. The more consistent the environment, the more we are likely to proceed with a particular behaviour. Repeating an action consistently in the same context can lead to long-term behavioural change and habit formation.

It’s hard to develop a habit if there is no information/cue in the environment to promote that habit. Successful behaviour change not only requires inward change (like mindset) but also outward. This is a fantastic opportunity because you can use your environment to remind certain behaviours, and also to block temptations. Make sure there are key reminders of the new behaviour around you. For example, I put my yoga mat on my living room floor before I go to bed so that I remember to do yoga first thing in the morning. You can examine your environment and think about how you interact with it and where you want to locate key items to ensure you can turn a repeated behaviour into a routine. For example, if you would like to develop a habit of practicing gratitude, you can place your gratitude journal by your bed and before you go to sleep (or when you wake up), you can write a few things that you are grateful for.

You can also create a separate space for certain behaviours. For example, if you would like to form a habit of reading regularly, you can have a dedicated chair for reading so that it reminds you of that particular behaviour and you’re engaging in that behaviour only when you sit on that chair. You can also have a dedicated space for exercise, or a dedicated space to work (e.g., a particular desk).

Similarly, to break unwanted habits, you can prime the environment to make unwanted habits difficult. For example, if you want to decrease your phone usage, put it in another room while working or doing something else. This is what I do in the mornings until about 2 pm which helps me focus on my work and be more productive. I realised how much of a distraction my phone can be when I can easily access it. By making the action less convenient (e.g., making it difficult to check the phone because we have to go to another room each time), we create friction which in turn might lead to the elimination of the behaviour. After I decided to stop eating processed foods and cut sugar and refined carbs for good, the first thing I did was to remove these foods from my environment. This made it easier for me to stick to my diet. But be careful; in the beginning it might be better if start small and pick just one behaviour that you want to eliminate. For example, eliminating all the unwanted foods did work for me, but you might find it easier if you start with removing one of them only (e.g., sodas) and then move on with the others gradually.

In order to address breaking the habits hat don’t serve you, try asking the following questions: Where are the temptations in my environment? What can I do to make those temptations difficult to satisfy? How can I remove them from my environment? How can I increase my exposure to positive cues? Some kind of disturbance in the context (e.g., removing things or people, placing reminders) can make a huge effect on our behaviours.

In short, if you want to make a habit a part of your life, make the cues part of your life. More importantly, be creative, be a designer. Alter your environment in a way that will help you require less willpower.

Paying Attention to Your Lifestyle

Habits should be in line with your lifestyle and your personal characteristics. Otherwise, it’s normal that you resist. For example, in order to deal with stress better, I wanted to practice meditation as scientific evidence supports the positive effect of meditation on our wellbeing. I attended some workshops to learn more about the practice of meditation. However, what I was taught/told was to practice 20- to 30-minute deep meditation which I tried several times and honestly didn’t like. In other words, it did not work for me. But I still wanted to practice something around being present, and having a non-judgmental approach to myself, my experiences, and my environment. After experimenting for a while, I found what worked for me the best: 5 to 10 minutes of curious, mindful attention that I practice in the morning and in the evening. I like it and it works for me.

Nobody can find the best habit or the best way to practice it for you. Try out things with an open mind and see what works for you and what doesn’t. It needs to be something that resonates with you personally, and not just something that someone else tells you to do. For some people, exercising in the morning feels and works better but it may not be preferable for others. Similarly, some people prefer to do it alone, while some prefer to have an exercise partner.

Finding the Right Rewards

Research shows that habit formation occurs easier when it is intrinsically rewarding, as opposed to receiving external rewards. However, it Is not easy to develop intrinsic rewards and you need to do some experimentation around them. I go for a long walk almost every day. I like the fact that I get to be active and connect with the nature. But there is another reward for me that I personally created: listening to my favourite podcasts while walking! I love podcasts and the best time for me to do that is when I’m having those long walks. This is why I always look forward to walking during the day. You can always add something that you like to the behaviour that you want to do more often. If running on a treadmill at the gym is something you want to do more often, but you have difficulty being motivated, you can add watching your favourite show while running. Ask yourself, what you enjoy, and how you can satisfy yourself. Come up with your own way of rewarding yourself with whatever works for you.

Getting Support from Others

We can use our social environment to change our behaviours. For example, if we share our goals around habits with others, we are more likely to pursue those goals. A sense of community gives us energy and hope, and drives action. Call your friends, family members and colleagues and share what you’re doing and your progress. It can make you more committed.

It is also important to let people who are close to you know your plan, how they can support you, and the things they might do that could be potentially helpful. An open conversation with friends and family is an opportunity for creating the necessary atmosphere for behaviour change. You might also want to interact with people who engage in the type of behaviours you wish to perform. Hanging out with those people can provide you with the support and motivation that you need.

When it comes to certain habits, accountability makes us more likely to engage in healthy habits such as exercising and dieting. For example, one study found that some people show higher exercise adherence in group exercise programs than individualised programs. Another study showed that group weight loss programs lead to greater weight loss than usual care. An accountability partner or a group of individuals who have similar goals can naturally motivate us to follow our goals and provide the challenge we need.

Being Flexible

As in every aspect of our lives, flexibility is an important skill in establishing and maintaining habits. Although commitment and discipline are necessary for behavioural change, being too rigid might make us unprepared for situations or obstacles on the way. To be able to anticipate threats and opportunities, there should always be room for improvisation. This flexibility includes things like avoiding blaming and punishing ourselves (e.g., If I cannot achieve this, then I’m a failure) and being more compassionate towards ourselves and encourage progress, and yet believing that habit formation requires persistence. Instead of telling ourselves such things as “I must achieve this no matter what”, it might be better to have the flexibility to adjust expectations depending on situational demands. All-or-nothing type of an approach might make things more difficult for you.

We also need to be prepared for setbacks and failures. This can be achieved by asking such questions as,

What might be some of the obstacles that might get in the way?
What difficulties and challenges am i likely to experience?
What can I do if I’m off course?
How can I overcome the obstacles and challenges?
What kind of support can I get from others?

To improve your flexibility, you might want to practice emotional flexibility and psychological flexibility skills. I have discussed these skills in my previous post. You can also work on your realistic optimism skills which can give you the right balance in your thinking. Here is a piece I have written about realistic optimism.

Final Thoughts

Habit formation and behaviour change does not have to be too hard if you know how they work and what gets in the way. However, one of the most important elements is to be able to engage and take action and getting past the thinking mind-set. If you focus on the importance of micro changes and know that you don’t have to climb a mountain, taking action and creating habits becomes easier. To track your progress, you might want to keep a journal and record your values and specific goals, your intentions and commitments, the changes you make in your life and your environment, the people who affect you positively and negatively, and the things that get in the way as well as what you do about them. Review your previous actions and attempts regularly. Then, reevaluate what else you can do.

And finally, being patient and having a compassionate attitude toward yourself is crucial. You may not be able to see any results in a few weeks or even months. Change is possible but may not be as quick or painless as we expect. Remember that the beginning doesn’t have to be perfect and that you can always make changes on the way.