How to be resilient

Article
Written By Selda Koydemir
max-andrey-7ocKzyxxxqQ-unsplash.jpg

“Resilience isn’t about being bulletproof. Resilient people do experience pain and suffer, but they eventually recover and grow.”

Here is my piece on resilience published in Psyche Magazine.

 
What to read next
Why Breakups Feel Like Identity Collapse
Why Breakups Feel Like Identity Collapse

Why does heartbreak still feel so intense, even months after the relationship is over? Why does it leave you feeling like the ground has shifted beneath you?

A lot of people find themselves wondering, “It’s not like someone died, so why does it hurt this much?”

Trigger Warnings: Helping or Hurting?
Trigger Warnings: Helping or Hurting?

Trigger warnings are everywhere. University lectures, Netflix dramas, social media captions: “The following content may trigger emotional distress.”

And research reflects this growing presence. A study with German university students found 40% had seen peers demand trigger warnings, and 58% had encountered them in lectures.

Is the Fear of Missing Out Keeping Us from Life?
Is the Fear of Missing Out Keeping Us from Life?

In 2015, author and educator Parker Palmer delivered a powerful commencement address at Naropa University—a speech I highly recommend watching if you haven’t already. 

Among his six pieces of advice to the graduates, his final point stood out for me: 

Pure Acceptance in Relationships Is Not Realistic
Pure Acceptance in Relationships Is Not Realistic

We’ve all heard it: “Just accept them as they are!” It’s as if love demands we either embrace every quirk or secretly wish they'd change their more... frustrating traits. But real love doesn’t live at either extreme. Acceptance and expectations for change can co-exist.

Is Comparison Really the Thief of Joy?
Is Comparison Really the Thief of Joy?

Comparison is present in pretty much everyone’s life. If you’ve ever watched someone crush a work presentation and wondered why you don’t have it all together, scrolled through social media and felt some inadequacy, overheard someone mention their salary at a family gathering and felt a bit of envy, or been inspired by a friend’s effortless workout routine, welcome to being human.

How a Single Word Can Unstuck Us
How a Single Word Can Unstuck Us

When I was a grad student, I was terrified to start my first therapy sessions under supervision. The idea of sitting across from someone in pain and trying to help—effectively and ethically—felt like being thrown into deep water without a life vest.

After one particularly disheartening session, I was convinced I wasn’t cut out for this profession.

Let's Talk About Giving Up
Let's Talk About Giving Up

I’ve had so many conversations about giving up with friends, family, and students. Years ago, even mentioning it carried a stigma. It wasn’t something you admitted you wanted out loud let alone doing it. But lately, people are speaking more openly about their urge to give up. Sometimes it’s a job, a relationship, a habit, or the clutter piling up in the house. And sometimes, it’s life itself.

"I've Changed and I'm Terrified"
"I've Changed and I'm Terrified"

People change but that change can come with fear. People begin to unlearn old habits and experiment with new ways of being. They start responding to problems differently, forming deeper connections, and making decisions with greater intention. But as they step into this new version of themselves, they also find it unsettling, even terrifying.

Why Do We Keep Repeating Painful Experiences?
Why Do We Keep Repeating Painful Experiences?

Nobody wants to suffer, yet somehow, we find ourselves in the same painful situations over and over again. We repeatedly fall into relationships that mirror old wounds, sabotage our own progress, invite unnecessary hardship, replay past traumatic experiences, or instinctively shy away from happiness.

We All Need a Little Self-Criticism, Just Not a Bully
We All Need a Little Self-Criticism, Just Not a Bully

In The Dyer’s Hand and Other Essays, poet Wystan Hugh Auden offers an interesting perspective on self-criticism:

To keep his errors down to a minimum, the internal Censor to whom a poet submits his work in progress should be a Censorate.

Selda Koydemir
Previous

Why the famous “avoid stress” advice is useless 
Next

Emotional flexibility is the key to wellbeing